Shut Up, Bands

Sorry if this is a bit ‘You’ve Been Framed’. But still.

Really?

“Yeah guys, THAT’S the album cover!”

This prick will not stop emailling us.

Watch one of his many covers bands ram Stanford Music Festival.

Christ.

Last weekend, Shut Up Bands went on holiday by mistake.

A rapper has made thousands of nuisance 999 calls to police over the past 18 months.

Since January 2009, the man has plagued Greater Manchester Police by making thousands of calls where he chants, sings, raps, preaches and plays loud music to call handlers.

What a knobber.

Thom Yorke says “don’t sign to a major label – they’re dying”. The Radiohead singer, who wouldn’t be in a position to sell albums on a ‘pay what you want’ basis and make huge wonga out of it had his band not had the support of Parlophone for the course of six albums, has been advising young musicians that it is “only a matter of time – months rather than years – before the music business establishment completely folds.”

Yeah, that’ll happen. In months. No more music biz for you. Hurrah!

Meanwhile, EMI chief Charles Allen says the company is in “really good shape” and that the first part of their new investment will buy EMI “at least a year”. SEE, THOM? YOU’RE WRONG. EMI has a debt of £3bn. That’s three billion. Good luck with that.

Source: loads of websites. Can’t be arsed linking. Go Google it or something.

If you were involved with this activity then you are a fucking moron.

Susan Boyle = David Lynch? My my Guardian website, you’re going to be getting a lot of hits today.

Gigwise reports on RATM and Susan Boyle.

“Frontman Zac De La Rocha said the group wanted Boyle to perform their chart-topper ‘Killing In The Name’ with them as a peace offering to Simon Cowell, who signed both artists.”

Since when did Simon Cowell sign RATM? Let us Google that for you, Gigwise.

UPDATE: MAR 5TH, 6.45pm. THE WEBSITE IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE.

UPDATE: MAR 24TH. IN RECORD TIME, THE COMPANY HAS GONE UNDER. WE’LL KEEP THIS STORY UP FOR HISTORICAL REASONS THOUGH. ER, ENJOY?

There seems to be some confusion as to what this website actually does. Styling itself as an ‘alternative’ music PR site and using an excessive amount of exclamation marks on its “about us” page (which is the same as its “how it works” page), it describes itself as a “very low cost, modern and eco friendly, fully automated ‘one stop shop’ putting you in complete control of your releases and campaigns. You write your own press releases, you invite journalists to gigs, you can send a journalist one or multiple tracks in the same submission and for the same cost!!! Its very quick and easy to do…. All our journalists are well known and respected and write for all the top music publications as well as national papers and numerous other glossy magazines.”

Indeed, the rotating banners at the top of the page boast of a list of clients (or are they targets?) from NME to Loaded to Time Out to, uh, The London Paper (which went under last year).

Like using any PR company, a band is not guaranteed of receiving a review in any specific publication. What happens is that a journalist will receive payment from Men From The Press for giving a band feedback on their music. It’s up to the journo (well, let’s face it, in most cases it’s actually up to the journo’s editor) whether or not they’ll do anything more about it. Like giving them some press.

But what’s causing a ruckus is the newly introduced and irritatingly apostrophed “Journo’s And Pub’s” page, which lists journos and how much you, as a band, need to pay Men From The Music Press for their ‘feedback’, described by the site as “the submission fee we charge to cover admin and Journalist expenses.” We won’t be surprised if the journos start contacting them to take down their names, but at time of writing there’s an NME journo whose opinion is worth £15, an Observer journo who’s worth £8… and a writer for The Fly who is worth 10p. Indeed, the journo from Blowback magazine is worth more, at £6.50. Blowback went under in 2007.

Well, you have hand it to them for trying something new… haven’t you?

“wow thanks for posting the most uninformative video ever”

This is one of the most pointless wastes of internets we’ve ever come across. Way to go!

Harvey Goldsmith – eat your heart out, pal.

Hey! Musicians! Unless you have the necessary journalistic skills to counter-attack, you will generally just end up looking like a tit. Like the guy who responded to this review.

His gig at vicar st was truly amazing and I wish I could be in oz to see him play the Garden Party Festival. Once again those who have no idea what they are talking about or who are jealous I recommend to keep it to yourself or seriously you risk deformation suit for your comments. The song was given 5 stars by the irish times and three by the irish sun and a similar view in the hot press. WHO ARE YOU???

Brilliant.

[via DiS]

This guy is a massive bellend.

“I asked this band to play for me & this was their reply…..”

Hi, Thanks for the gig offer. We’d love to play but I’m afraid I’m not allowed within the borough of Camden. Do you promote nights in any other area of London?

Brooker? Is that you?

Via @Rhodri. Again.

How NOT to use Twitter to promote your band. twitter.com/PFNI

Something a bit different this time. Our submitter writes: “We’re currently about 3 weeks away from putting on a festival and therefore working round the clock, surviving on Kit Kats and crying blood. The girl who takes care of our Facebook stuff was also working this evening and a character called Daniel popped up. What followed made us laugh for a while, but also feel a bit sad for humanity. Strangely, 99% of the bands we turn down for the festival are really lovely – even the band who informed us we were making a huge mistake as they were about to embark on a huge tour supporting The Proclaimers.”

Transcription follows.

Daniel:
Hallo there

Abbie [from the festival]:
hey :)

Daniel:
Can I speak to one of the Festival organisers?
I’ve been e mailing you for along while

Abbie:
unfortunately i only do the facebook :)

Daniel:
but have not received any respopnse
It is about a band booking for [the festival]
Who can I contact directly and on what tel numbers or e mails to receive a response?

Abbie:
ah ok, i know they receive a ton of emails, especially from bands
2000 artists submitted their details this year

Daniel:
They may do

Abbie:
and all stages are booked now

Daniel:
But I approached the organisers perosnally

Abbie:
i’d imagine a lot of people did :)

Daniel:
and nobody bothered to respond either way
So who is in charge and available on wehat numbers and e mail addresses?
Can yopu rpovide me with their names and details?
In any case, who am I speaking to?
Are you one of the organisers?

Abbie:
no, i just do the facebook…
i can’t really pass on numbers

Daniel:
who can?
who can?

Abbie:
are you a booking agent?

Daniel:
How is the organiser to be contacted?
As e mais are never responded to?
?

Abbie:
who have you been emailing? they are incredibly busy, and unfortunately sometimes all emails can’t be responded to…are you a booking agent?

Daniel:
Check out my details on line – will tell you all about who I am and what I do
I thought if you were with the organisers you would have known of me! ?

Abbie:
i have said twice now i do the facebook
which band are you representing?

Daniel:
I am [names band] band manager
[names some acronym] Music Management Group

Abbie:
do you have a website?

Daniel:
all deails available from here

Abbie:
i don’t really need details to be honest, i just googled “[name of management company]” and nothing came up.

Daniel:
Either way, what you can do is to tell organisers to contact me

Abbie:
how long have you been booking for artists Daniel, because it doesn’t really work like that…unless a band is well known
then they go to the agents, etc

Daniel:
?
Who am I speaking to ?
Can you identify yourself?

Abbie:
yes, my names abbie, i work on the facebook for [XXXX] Festival…

Daniel:
ok
Many thanks
How old are you?

Abbie:
this is getting a bit weird…?
i’m 25

Daniel:
Many thx
So how can I get hold of the organisers?

Abbie:
i thought you’d been in touch already? who had you been in touch with?

Daniel:
As they are not responding to written correspondence

Abbie:
what is it regarding?

Daniel:
Ok Abby I thank you for your help so far
I ll ask one of my assistants to get hold of the otganisers
So far received no repsonse at all

Abbie:
in regards…?

Daniel:
Regarding band bookings

Abbie:
all bands are booked Daniel.

Daniel:
I thank you for your help so far, but I really need to speak to the otganisers
Good night

On Amy Macdonald’s Wikipedia page, “I don’t think there’s a single sentence in the first paragraph of ‘Career’ that isn’t GOLD,” our submitter spurts.

Which, at time of writing, read as such:

Reviewers have described Macdonald as softly spoken but with a booming singing voice. Despite her Scottish origins, her singing voice is described as partly Irish and similar to Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries. She has called herself a slight tomboy. On her MySpace blog, she mentions cars, such as Audis, and video games as her interests. Macdonald expressed how fast her life is moving when she mentions her admiration when meeting other singers from the UK such as Travis’s Fran Healy and Elton John.

Amazing.