Shut Up, Bands

More pretentious twaddle for your ‘amuse’.

Canterbury’s most turbulent rock n roll band. Probably Canterbury’s only rock n roll band. An unfortunate group of fumbling idiots prone to unaccountable bursts of self-confidence and wholly explainable bouts of self-flagellation. Itinerant, loathsome and loutish cads determined to fuck up or be fucked up. Imitators and thieves of genuine talent. Under-qualified borrowers from the holy pantheon of rock n roll music.

Notably, there is no music on their Myspace page.

From the Northern Ireland local scene, comes this.

Hello. An odd topic, but I don’t care.
My boys and I recently reformed after a brief hiatus
over Christmas and the New Year and we want gigs NOW.

Our band name is [BAND] and we’re a tight as fuck, rocktastic,
beautifully melodic, sexually toxic bag of eye cabdy for the girls (and guys wink)
We had a myspace, but I short-sightedly deleted it due to a break down in communication;
We all thought each other member wanted to go their seperate way, but in reality none of us did.
I can supply MULTIPLE samples, songs and images from previous photoshoots, until I get a new page up and running.

We’re best suited for playing with bands within the range of metal – rock – Alternative (Industrial,Technical,Acoustic,W’eva);
We’re too heavy and original for Indie (lol), but too melodic and faggy for anything extreme.

We’ll play whenever for whatever. We just want to really get gigging again.

See y’all soon!

Our submitter writes: “As if my last mail wasn’t enough, the band edited their post to include the following:”

P.S. If the gig’s local, in the [XXXXXX] area, we can ensure a mass of females. Not joking. Just know in doing so, we expect our cut; We’re Enthusiastic, not Naive!

School bands are pretty obvious targets – YES, I KNOW – but all of them featured here can at least say they’ll never be as bad as Hackley School’s cover of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’. Yes, it’s an oldie but a goodie.

Niceties out of the way…

To save future embarrassment, band names would normally be removed but quite frankly I’ve been ill for the last fortnight and am in a spectacularly bad mood, so here is today’s missive in full with links. The video is worth watching if you can stomach all 5+ minutes of it. We like the fact they couldn’t be bothered lugging the drum kit to the beach so the drummer has to mime to a non-existent kit.

TR8R are a young Indie/Alternative/Power Pop band based in Chesham, Buckinghamshire, with influences including Paramore, Muse, Lost Prophets, Arctic Monkeys & Blur.

TR8R ARE;

Vicky, 19 yrs, Vocals.
Mikey, 16 yrs, Guitar.
George, 16 yrs, Bass.
Conor, 15 yrs, Drums.

Formed in 2008 TR8R are currently under management with KMD Studios, they are busy writing, rehearsing and performing at every available opportunity, constantly becoming more popular within the local music scene and across the UK. Despite their young age they appeal to a wide age group and attract a good audience wherever they perform. Their fan-base is ever growing and has led to a demand for the sales of merchandise and the release of their first E.P. “Numbers”.

Many people have commented on the maturity of their writing skills and this has been proven with their continued success in the various competitions they take part in. Through the rest of this year TR8R will be recording their first album, they intend to attract as much media interest as possible and are busying up their live schedule to reach a wide audience and increase their fan-base.

Their live performance is bursting with energy and includes a superb mix of covers and original material, if you’re looking for a band that people will remember and want to see time and time again, then look no further!

For bookings, reviews, merchandise, music and all things TR8R please visit the following;

http://www.tr8r.co.uk

http://www.lemonrock.com/tr8r

http://www.facebook.com/pages/TR8R/122223325330

http://www.myspace.com/tr8r07

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THEIR WEBSITE (with guest commentary from our submitter)

VICKY

Influences and Inspirations:
Nickelback, Paramore, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Puddle of Mud, Seraphim, Billy Talent, Michelle Branch, Leane Rhymes, Hayley Westenra….the list goes on forever! [if that's true, why did you put all the shit bands at the beginning??]

“I went for piano lessons when I was 11 and my teacher said that I should consider singing, so I did, and here we are!” [translation: you were so shit at piano your teacher palmed you off onto some other poor bastard]

Favourite Drink:
Water [\m/]

If I ruled the World…
I would enforce my own rules and if people didn’t like them I would throw them off! [*fear*]

MIKEY

Background:
I am attend Chesham Park Community College and due to my love of music and am taking Music and Music Technology at A-level. My plan at the moment is to continue on the career path of life in management and production after A-level or fulfil my dream by playing pro in a band. [Well if that doesn't work out you could always teach English. Oh wait...]

GEORGE

People will tell you I have a very wide taste in music, from the Mamma Mia soundtrack to Rage Against the Machine… [snip]

CONOR

My favourite music styles are a bit of Pop-Rock, Club Rave, Funk-Rock basically anything with a rocky side that I can boogie to! However, I dislike Screamo, Emo and basically anything that depresses me. [I know drums are loud but HAVEN'T YOU HEARD YOUR OWN BAND?!?!]

HIGHLIGHT OF GIG LIST

Thursday 12th March 2009
Red Nose Day, Chesham Park School

[...aaaaaand I'm spent.]

Peter Parker – His Voice. His Rockin Guitar. His Stompin. No one else can tear up the stage the way he does. He rips it up! Giving everything. Never holds back. Losing himself. Asking for nothing in return. He doesn’t care when he’s up there. The audience knows. And they go CRAZY! Screaming. Singing. Dancing. He moves. Stamps a rocking rhythm. His feet banging on the stage. Like an African Tribal dancer. Swinging his guitar this way and that. The world has never seen anything like it. And never will again. They want a piece. But they can’t have it. No one else can do what he does. One man. His guitar. His sweet sweet valve amplifier. His Soul. His Spirit. Never fearing. Facing the unknown. On an adventure. Bringing everyone together. But just for the moment. That’s the way it should be. Then he’s gone. To live life his way. The audience theirs. And they know. Peter Parker rocks.

Subject: Band fromIndia
Message: Greetings from India! I am vocalist and co-songwriter with Kolkata (Calcutta) based quartet, PINKNOISE. We make music that is a quirky stew of contradictions. This is fearless music and this is the way we live in India. “The Dance Of The Diaspora” (2010). Folk music has always come from the village. But now, the city has its own folk music, too. We speak English when we’re polite. But our exclamation marks are in the mother tongue. The food on the table is continental. Before bed, it’s Sanskrit prayers at night. This can only happen in India. Where the culture is ancient. The attitude is future. And the state of peace is an unlikely mix of madness and endless calm. These songs are stories of the Indian diaspora. They are interfaces. Between lullaby and rap. Between South Indian temple dance and electro beats. Between elephant gods and thugs. Between back-then and tomorrow. In the now. You can hear the “Diaspora” demos at www.pinknoise.bandcamp.com “PINKFRAUD” (2009). Our irreverently tricked-out deconstructions of 10 select Pink Floyd songs ranging from the staple to the obscure. One enraged fan put it best after hearing them: “PINKNOISE is the worst thing to happen not just to music but to life in general.” Success! You can hear “San Tropez” and “Lucifer Sam” at www.myspace.com/itspinknoise “Quirkwork” (2009). Ghost grooves. Tricky treats. Hybrid chords assault the hordes. Electric texture. Good to eat. Melodies like demented swords. This music was crafted to challenge. Ourselves. And the audience. Twisted. Tongue-in-cheek. Acidly aggressive. Deceptively sweet. You can hear “Quirkwork” at www.pinknoise.bandcamp.com and watch some tunes on www.youtube.com/itspinknoise We plan to travel to the UK this summer and would love to perform at Sub 61. Thank you for reading. We look forward to hearing from you. With best regards, Jayashree Singh + + + PINKNOISE is: Jayashree Singh Voice Amyt Datta Guitar, Synth Gyan Singh Bass Jivraj Singh Beats www.itspinknoise.com www.pinknoise.bandcamp.com www.youtube.com/itspinknoise www.myspace.com/itspinknoise

Since early 2007, [The band] have been on a mission to play their way out of the Indie-pop infested Sheffield music scene and onto the national stage. They have managed that in abundance so far, although how far they get depends on their mode of transport. Destroying 2 vans in the last 12 months on the way to packed gigs at The Cavern in Liverpool and The Hideout in Paris, they continue to bring their own fused together blues rock riffs both country-wide and continent-wide. The gigs are like a party at a mates house, banter and a ‘wall of sound’ included, all turned up to level 10! Now busy shouting their mouths off around the country again after securing a debut single release in March and comparisons to Black Rebel Motorcycle club and The White Stripes, it’s gonna be a busy year. Building up loyal followings in Sheffield, Newcastle, London, Leeds and Paris it’s about time people started paying attention to this guitar fuelled, van bashing machine…

I think my favourite is the quote.

‘The band all the others want to be’ – Joe Amphlett, LBC Radio

Really, Joe Amphlett? REALLY?

We’re No Heroes are exactly that, three ordinary guys from around the UK who came together to become extraordinary, with the thing that makes them stick out…their music. Like an improvised dance or the way the rain drops fall simultaneously, it was just going to happen. Music is all they do and all they want to do.

Want us to play personally at your house party?

More yuck.

Headed by guitarist “Big Bad Bad”,
Drums and backing vocals supplied by Micheal Smith, formerly of Rune.
Bass and respectability; Rob Reid.
Slow Hands In The Badlands started with the intention of working with a rock formula that hadn’t been developed since bands like Queens of the Stone age reinvented the term “guitar band”, and Slow Hands have fused influences from the 70’s hard rock era with this mentality to bring a new, downtuned, epic sound to an indie-stagnant music scene.
Guitarist and singer Big Bad Bad has side projects including an acoustic career and the occaisional stint as a session musician, and has ensured that a raw and edgey taste is ripe within Slow Hands’ sound. He also introduced Rob to the joys of bass playing, and quickly snapped him up as an original member. Michael Smith enjoyed a healthy industrial career in the band “Rune”, who were frequently marked as the best emerging band of their genre. Bad tends to sheepishly admit he might have “killed them” by poaching Smith, who generally leaves a crowd open mouthed, and somewhat jelous when he gets behind the kit.
Slow Hands have been gigging professionally for almost 10 months, beginning shortly after Micheal’s recruitment. Loudness and groove are the hallmarks of a quality gig, and SHBL never leave a moment’s silence that could otherwise be filled by a downtuned powerchord. Impressed and kindly fans have this to say:

“Slow Hands In The Badlands use the rock formula devel- oped by bands such as Queens of the Stone Age and infuse influences from the 70’s hard rock era, resulting in downtuned, epic sounding, speaker-bursting rock joy. ” – Brian of Fudge Promotions
“the best rock band in Scotland?” – Acoustic musician Malcolm McMillan.
“you bastards stole the best drummer I know” – Alisdair Quietsch of Rune”

Our submitter writes: “This is an awful band from Glasgow, with a hilariously arrogant bio. Funniest bit is the compliments at the end, the second one is from the singers dad and the third one is from one of their friends.”

The best way to describe [some guy from the band] is like The Stig from “Top Gear”. Elusive, secretive, seen only in disguise and he could steal the sweeties from your pocket without you even noticing…….. But boy can he Write and produce a great tune!

I think these guys have misunderstood what The Stig does.

A five-piece modern Metal/Emo band from Glasgow. Zynk formed in 2003, they developed into a band with shining confidence and attitude which can be seen on and off stage. Zynk constantly perform to a loyal fan base all over the UK. Showing that the music and the fans are what it’s really all about.
Being very tight for a young band and having a lot of potential. The bands consistency to own the stage they play on makes every performance worthwhile and a pleasure to see and hear.

Involved in Europes biggest unsigned festival and recognised as one of Scotlands leading unsigned band, The guys continue to improve their sound every show they perform. With Influences such as Story of the Year, Funeral For a Friend, and Bullet For My Valentine its no wonder they they have been noticed as one of Glasgow’s best bands.

Zynk have received great reviews on several occasions as they have coasted there way throughout the west of Scotland, playing in some of the biggest venues most notabley the Cathouse, London’s Camden Underworld and Glasgow’s Carling Academy .

But in early 2007 due to the departure of Craig Maclean from the band, the band slowly fell apart. But the band all stil remain friends and are all still commited to writing music in some other form (except Jordan…he just gave up!). [Amazing - Ed.]

What People are saying

“Undoubtedly, Zynk will go down a treat with the Teenagers who love Slipknot and Linkin Park” – David Wynne, EK news

“Lots of confidence and attitude. Very tight for a young band. Lots of potential. Could be the real deal. Looked like a proper band unit.” —- Judge from Emergenza competition Carling Academy.

“Very powerful! A band to watch and listen to, time and time again!” — John Keeble, former drummer of Spandau Ballet [amazing - Ed.]

“Zynk possess a very tight sound: powerful, explosive and varied. Skill and finesse shown through-out which renders great potential. Mix of styles emphasises flexibility and portrays various influences.” – Requiem Records

BOWLING FOR SOUP SET TO RELEASE THEIR TENTH STUDIO RELEASE

TENTH?!

The Denton, TX natives return with their new single and video ‘My Wena’ that showcases their one-of-a-kind brand of fun-pop/punk… The single ‘My Wena’ is a hilarious love song that only Bowling For Soup could pull off. With their trademark style of tongue in cheek lyrics, ‘My Wena’ is filled with double entendre references about the singer’s girlfriend, Wena. The video is equally hilarious…

The UK tour is called Party In Your Pants. ‘Hilarious.’

What happens when you put Sheffield’s shredtastic answer to Eddie Van Halen, a frontman that oozes machismo and proletariat street cool in a way that makes Liam Gallagher look like a public school educated effeminate fanny in comparison and a rhythm section that’s tighter than your mother was when I took her virginity all those years ago? I’ll tell you what happens, it’s called Shot Dead and it’s even better than receiving fellatio from the beautifully pert lips and wet mouth of Angelina Jolie.

With their onstage nonchalant Nihilism and a steadfast sense of self- confidence so strong it’d be all too easy to dismiss these guys as aloof and aggressive, you may even fear that you’d “just get a slap” from them if you were brave enough to attend one of their frenetic live shows. Indeed, such apprehension wouldn’t be *completely* misplaced… they could knock seven shades of shit out of you if they felt so inclined. These kids don’t fuck about. However in spite of this unnerving fact they are the antithesis generally speaking; quintessential English gentlemen, you’d struggle to meet four more grounded, humble and affable young men. Take it from me; it’s a genuine pleasure spending time in their company.

I implore everyone who reads this to attend their gigs and see for yourselves how raw and incandescent they are live. There’s a distinct and natural synergy when they play that bands 20 plus years their senior can’t hold a candle to. Fuck the monotonous and insincere mediocrity of the likes of Glasvegas, the Courteeners and Kasabian. Shot Dead represent the zeitgeist of UK lad culture better than they ever could.

Just what we need.

Our submitter writes: “Thought I’d share a pretentious biography we were sent. It’s such bollocks you wouldn’t believe.” And they’re not bloody wrong, you know.

Our modus operandi is to be at the forefront of the ever evolving ‘nu-sound’, la. Unable to be TopShop’d due to an undefineable energy, whilst remaining recognisable and distinct. A musical group personification of ‘BROAD-BAND’, oh yes – an electrical musical collective creating sounds that encompass a range of popular pigeon holes, enjoyed by a myriad of ecclectic allsorts.

“We are waiting for you at the turning.”
- – - R E B E L S – - W I T H – - A – - C A U S E – - -

Conceived in the eccentricity of Canterbury, England, BODYMACHINE! create energetic, inspirational, indie pop-art-noise for the evolving ‘2012 generation’ of the 21stC, hmm. On the upwards strand of the double-helix of pop, they’re set to playfully rape your ear-machines. Early gigs include supporting the likes of GOOD SHOES, Fear Of Flying (White Lies), Rumble Strips, Ladyfuzz & Noisettes. In 2007 they opened the main stage at Lounge On The Farm festival alongside bands including The BEES & SUPER FURRY ANIMALS. The year also enjoyed watching them support The Moths and PUMPS at OSMC, and especially supporting The Bishops at the Poulpaphone festival in Boulogne, Francais.

OUR CAUSE IS NOT POLITICAL
‘POLITICS NEEDS YOUR MIND’
OUR CAUSE IS NOT CULTURAL
‘CULTURE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND’
OUR CAUSE IS VIBRATION
‘SOUND CREATION & REVERBERATION’

Being 2 school 4 cool 7 you’re set to hear resurrected sounds with a twist as the stylophone is rinsed out, rising to musical fame once more, alongside driving drum rhythms and catchy riffs. Sign-wave vocals on the edge of sanity, like a melodic laser into your mind, are mixed into genreless sounds from odd misfits.

“Once you label me, you negate me.”

In 2008, promoting their sold out 2nd EP ‘we say body you say machine’ the machine men fulfilled their tour spanning of England – “CONSCIOUSNESS & CALENDARS”. Playing with bands such as Sunset Cinema Club, The Shallow Call and Post War Years, they solidified their changed formation and word spread about their powerful live performances. They consequently went into the white cliffs of Dover to plot new songs, which were played whilst opening BBC Radio 1’s Fringe Festival in Maidstone.

As their musical vision morphs solidly these four cyber-spirit-sapiens are a ‘must see’ for those who like to say “I was there”, indeed. Conspiring around conspiracy theories, feeding on large helpings of dark comedy and filled with existential angst, they lovingly infiltrate fear and ignorance in the only way they know how – by creating pop songs… effective…

As 2009 has a mid life crisis BM! are honing in on the zeitgeist and promoting the symbiotic/emergent features key to our species-machine. Catch the science of the BODY and the ghost in the MACHINE now!

“We have a world of pleasure to win, and nothing to lose but boredom.”

We would appreciate it if you would entertain having the band on stage at your venue.

The band have played numerous festivals over the past few years, including being invited to play the Deptford Festival, London, and the prestigious ‘Caerphilly Big Cheese’

This year, the band was due to appear at the ‘Castle Rock Festival’, Caldicot, which included such acts as Terrovision, Gun and It Bites. Unfortunately, this event was postponed. (LOL – ed.)

May 2009 has seen the long-awaited release of the band’s first album… The album is currently receiving massive airplay in the UK , USA , Europe, Canada and Australia, and the band is in constant demand for interviews.

I doubt that.

White noise, black soul and riotous, timeless pink pop perfection. Your first love. Your last breath. Your head or heart on a stick. Like when sex is so great it makes you want to come again. Then die.

!!!

Now a three piece funk/rock outfitt, [the band] cite influences from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bob Marley, Led Zeppelin, and Reef. With kick ass riffs, funky bass lines, driving drums and frequent percussive support [the band] are gauranteed to offer you one funky mother fucking night!

GOOD GRIEF!

Demo received 9th October 2007. Band split May 2009.

Possessed by the combined spirits of Oscar Wilde and Phil Lynott, [the singer] was the final piece of the puzzle, and from the off it was clear the band were all on the same wavelength, with the early studio sessions producing stunning re-workings of some of the band’s existing material as well as a clutch of breathtaking new songs.

[The band] have emerged from the wreckage of last year leaner, meaner and ready to take on all comers for the undisputed title of ‘Best live act in Britain’.

And that, as they say, was the end of that.

Crivens! This one is on the defensive. Almost threatening!

**** were formed back in mid December 2005 by **** after a phone call from drummer, **** accepting the offer of joining the band after taking interest from a cd of material used in previous bands. To follow were successful jams and rehersals leading to a completed line up. **** were formed. **** on bass was already part of the journey he and **** had previously shared in other bands, they were all well gigged and prepped with an impressive back catalogue of original material.

THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW ALL THAT.

The band are just everyday lads from Manchester who get together and play music cos it gives them a buzz, no messin about, plug in and play, for the sheer love of playing music. What you see is what you get with ****, if you dont like what they do, it dont matter to them. They play Blues/Rock, like it or lump it. Not caught up in a scene, (they’ve been around to many corners to care about that kinda drivvel), **** every now and again, pop out of the shadows and leave people with their jaws hanging down to their feet. They have a chemistry not to be matched and an energy of no other. **** toured NYC twice in 2007 and have played around the whole of the U.K since forming. Constantly writing, rehearsing and gigging this is a band that will be around for a long time and will always be taking their talents to new levels. They will never stop!!

A beautiful biog from the Midlands.

hi there

we came across your page and we are interested in the shows you put on we were wondering if you would have anything you could offer us for october/november onwards

we would love to play a show, preferably a surport slot, here is a bit about us… anything you could offer us would be apreciated,

We are a Four piece Pop-Punk band, blending melodic vocals addictive melodies guitar riffs, hard hitting bass and dream like synths….not forgetting a drum solo or two in between

DRUM SOLOS.

the band is made up from 3 sucessful bands, Vigilante,

Who?

Lost ‘n’ Found

Who?

and Seth Row

Who?

and we have played with the likes of Pickled Dick/Mike Tv, Fandangle, MyBe, the Misnomer(Usa), All Left Out (New Zealand)

Who, who, who, who and who?

plus many many more and we have played all over the midlands in those bands

“Call This a Comeback are a fresh breath of air in the UK scene! I especially enjoyed “Mend My Heart.” Great Bowling for Soup-esque riff!
These guys are on to great things.” – MC Lars

BOWLING FOR SOUP.

“reminds me of the glory days of pop/punk blink 182 style, keep up the good work guys” – matt wheatus

MATT WHEATUS.

One of the least enticing biogs I’ve ever laid eyes on. The demo was shit too. :-(