Shut Up, Bands

Now forever known as The Year Ginger Spice Dissed Kula Shaker On The Brit Awards.

Click pic to read.

Before anyone gets all pedantic on my ass – yes I realise Doves are actually called Doves and not The Doves. But still. Come on. That’s funny.

Thanks to the promoter who sent this text at 00:33 hours this morning, regarding an unspecified band: “Amazing. Drummer had a wank and burst a blood vessel and gone to hospital.”

LOCAL BANDS.

Guitarist Scott Courtney confirms “We’re practising twice a week and a lot of the lads are involved in other bands so we’re playing a lot. We’ve got gigs coming up in Edinburgh, Eyemouth and Berwick within the next few weeks and the American road trip will start sometime in early January.

“We’ve also got several dates that we’re in the process of confirming including some with The Joe Mangels [amazing name - ed.] which we’re really looking forward too [sic]“

BRILLIANT LOCAL NEWS.

Oof! Bit of a long one. Our submitter writes: “Here’s a totally genuine press statement released in 2005 by Midasuno, a rock band from Merthyr Tydfil. Oh yes. You probably won’t have heard of them, but the singer was clearly expecting front page headlines after they decided to change their name. For some reason it warranted 1,500 words.

“Incidentally, they never did change their name. I believe they took a bit of time out, then issued their one and only album (‘Songs In The Key Of Fuck’ – oh God) before splitting up. I don’t know if there was another press release to accompany that seismic event.”

Midasuno Statement – 13.11.05

This is the score. On Friday 2nd December, the band known as ‘MIDASUNO’ will perform what will be their last show. Following over 5 years of fantastic highs and even better lows, the three remaining members from the original line-up (Gavin Jessop, Matt Riste and Myself) along with the additions to that line-up (Ryan Day, Lyndon Jones and Chris Morgan are to give ‘Midasuno’ a final kiss-off show, to help us close a chapter in our lives. As Midasuno we’ve had so many amazing experiences, seen some unbelievable sights and achieved so much that I personally never thought we could. Toured with and performed alongside amazing bands, getting records released and available as far as Asia and the US of motherfucking A. Most importantly, meeting the people who bought our records, came to the shows and supported the band – it is to YOU we will always be in debt to.

Since we parted ways with Guitarist Steven Hopkins, the dynamic of the band suffered massive change, some say for the better and some for the worse. We were lucky enough to then find a worthy replacement (suggested so by Steve himself) in Chris Morgan, whose energy helped keep the ship afloat. Months later, our good friend / web geek & artworkist Lyndon Jones, who had previously triggered our interludes and samples from the shadows joined us on stage and became the illusive ‘5th’ member. By this point, we’d toured as a 3, 4 and 5 piece band. Then, following a drunken conversation, we decided to try out, (not just at a practise, but for an 8-date tour, with 5 hours prior rehearsal and a weeks notice) Pete’s Sake’s Ryan Day on guitar, leaving myself to solely handle vocal duties.

I realised that I had never felt so comfortable with this arrangement, not to wallow in some ego-fuelled dreams of being Axl Rose, but because by concentrating on one thing allowed me to perform better, therefore making the songs better. Add the fact that Ryan’s guitar playing further tightened the band beyond what we thought was possible. Writing new songs would now mean I wouldn’t have to limit the songs to what I could manage to perform live, now we could try anything without my performance holding my song writing back.

What followed this was a shocking realisation. We’d basically grown as a band in public – from being musical nappies, aural puberty blah blah, you can see where I’m going. We had never taken time off over the past five years to develop and grow and show a marked improvement as a band who have the ambition to reach as many people as possible – we’d always do this in front of people, always had our place in the deep end. Watching the band go from a band who thought they were good back in 2000 (hahaha I know! The cheek of it!) to a band who are now really fucking good. We’d perform new songs to crowds when we’d never been in the same room to learn them together, jump at every gig possibility and did most of our rehearsals live.

This sounds so exciting having read it down, really rock n fucking roll, ‘punk rock’ or whatever you want to call it. Fuck yeah! For any ‘local’ band (definition in this case: a band who do not properly ‘tour’ and have not managed to get something released so that people can get into the band from different areas of the country) this is fantastic, will get you your ‘cred’ and legendary circuit status, but beyond your faithful, it’s not really enough.

We’ve taken the belief of our following – claiming us to be a good / great / amazing / whatever band and decided that we want to turn the band into what WE consider a fucking frighteningly good band – a band who your band wouldn’t want to be on the same bill as, but at the same time couldn’t help humming along to every song and telling the world about. Real passion with fuck all to do with fashion. To do this, we believe we need change. This is personal.

Midasuno is not the same band – musically, mentally, physically, well ANY way it could be different from the band that released ‘When Bulls Play God’. With the current line-up, playing under the guise of ‘Midasuno’ to me seems sharing dirty bathwater with people who you’d rather not have to do this with. We have all progressed in all ways possible, to the point that we need to christen this change with a new moniker for the band to perform, promote and release records under. This may cost the band 5 years of promotion and hard work, may put us back at the bottom of bills, may mean we have to do it all again. But that is the beauty of having a focus. We want to do things again, but be ready for everything that would come at us, to have a fresh take on things. We will still rock, only harder, better, bigger more more more.

Now this is my way of trying to explain why we are doing this, a chance to try and let our supporters know why we are doing this, if you have a grasp of the history of this band you’ll have seen the change we have undergone.

We are not just a band changing our name because we haven’t achieved what have wanted to. Because we ARE a different band – example, if you take a can of coke, empty out the coke and replace it with bits of paper, the contents are not the same. Even though it says ‘Coke’ on the can, what’s inside hasbeen replaced by something different. I’m not saying bits of paper taste nicer than coke, but what this band is now, performing under the guise of ‘Midasuno’ is kinda false advertising, well from how much we have changed and will continue to evolve.

Change isn’t always a good thing, but in our case, is vital to the future of this band even carrying on. By renaming the band we are creating a bond between the six members, join us altogether before we get ready for the release of our recorded material. Our new name will bind us all with an equal bearing, a blank page to align our visions, direction and attitudes together and bond us as a band whose history is yet to be made. We will all be in a new band; all have ex-bands but be united as a new force.

We now hoping that you, the awesome people who have supported ‘Midasuno’ will continue to support us – ‘Songs in the key of Fuck’ – the record that ‘Midasuno’ were to release as their debut full-length record is very much safe, it will be the debut full length record under our new name. In fact, the reason why this record has taken so long is that following the initial recording sessions for the album, I have writing more tunes, better songs than what I had previously written. We now have 20 + songs ready to choose from. What I can tell you guys is that we now have TWO releases planned by summer ‘06 allowing us to get even more music out to you.

Something that will either make you jump for joy / disgust you beyond words is that 3 of the songs we released as ‘Midasuno’ have been reworked, re-jigged and will see the light on day both on CD and on the live stage again, we’ll leave those songs a mystery for the moment. I personally don’t give a flying fuck if this grates anyone – the songs in question have transformed over the years and have still not received the justice they deserve.

The new name? We are going to make it official on December 3rd 2005 – we have a new website in the pipeline, until then the band’s Myspace page will suffice to keep you guys up-to-date. We’ve got artwork, merch, and release artwork almost ready. We will let you know following the last show as ‘Midasuno’. The new band will spend the rest of the winter rehearsing and recording and, well, you’ll know the full low-down on December 3rd. It’s a Sunday by the way.

We will not performing again until we have our new campaign up and fully running, which will be early 2006. Therefore all shows ‘Midasuno’ were due to perform at after December 2nd are now CANCELLED, we are gutted to announce, but we need to get straight to work on our new material, getting ready to assault your yugs with next year.

Scott Andrews (Midasuno)

!

An optimistic Welsh band writes to a radio station:

I hope your day is going great and that you are very well !! .
I will write you a little and try and express my feelings so it can be understood where we are coming from :)
I represent an amazing new musical group called ****… Our first Single is set for release in the week starting 17th August, this proceeds the Debut Album set for release first week in September … We are financing the first run of 1000 cd’s and will be acting as a record company … We have turned down some Independent Labels as our network of friends will cover the requirements for such a small run … What we’ve got here is very special and with due respect to all involved, we can see the greatness, and can feel what is “in the post” … The Album sounds beautiful !!! and the harmonies speak to us all :)

We have been invited by the President of The Global Alliance of Departments and Ministries for Peace to play a show supporting the Global Peace Summit in Costa Rica. There will be gigs all over the world on this day, but the president has asked us to play at the place of “the” Summit in Central America… She heard of us through word of mouth and you can imagine our Joy that news had spread so far of the Music and Good vibrations that we make :) … We were told that, as the show will be part of a fundraiser we would have to find our way there, It just wouldn’t be fair to pay the few thousand pounds it would cost to fly us over, but once their we would be looked after so well!!! … could you imagine the follow on effects from doing a gig such as this??? … A band from Wrecsam are playing at a Global Peace summit in Costa Rica ??? Whatever next??? … Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!

… and may I be so bold as to say that this type of news is dearly needed … What we focus on becomes our reality! … Is it possible that to achieve peace we have to focus on it? not on why we are at war … I believe so!!! I also believe that in their best dreams and best wishes and best thoughts … every Man, Woman and Child wishes for peace … And we plan to spread this message until as many people can hear have heard … This is the how! The seed of a possibility :) How could this be shown to people??? Television??? what style of program??? any ideas are more than welcome and maybe something incredible can come from this.

Thank-you for reading, If this sounds all a bit to much please feel at ease, I expect nothing from you :)
I could write all day of the music and the band and the people we are meeting, In Barcelona we played at a peace day celebration … the local community gathered and celebrated peace :) …. they all held a 200 meter scarf in the air in massive circle and John Lennons ‘Imagine’ was played loud and proud from the stage … “Sant Just (the name of the area) for peace” they shouted !!! “Pau per tothom” !!! “Peace for Every-one” and they meant it !!!!!!! We are meeting people like this all the time now …

:)
As i say, I have more to talk about, another time maybe :P!
Wishing you a brilliant day my friend

… the Basingstoke Gazette.

The Angry Years are a new band that want to sound like The Smiths playing Motown. They aren’t quite there yet, but their hope springs eternal.

Oh what the hell. I’m up for a free plug now and again.

In 1996 The Bluetones turned down an interview request. I’m still not sure I have entirely got over this.

“Your fanzine features Orlando & Plastic Fantastic therefore it is not worth the paper it is on! We may considered it otherwise. Yours, The Bluetones.”

KISS KISS WITH COMPLIMENTS.

Some old fan-mail.

Our latest EP release went straight to number 1 in the both Chesterfield and Sheffield independent single charts and then remained in the top 10 for the next 4 weeks. Selling a total of 214 CDs over the 4 weeks.

Ummmmmmmm. The “Chesterfield and Sheffield independent single charts”?

Stupid Myspace comment.

Hey there!!
We just wanted to thank you for either adding us or accepting our request, we appreciate your patience too as our page is very basic at the moment with not much material which puts you in a unique position!! We are a new band and are working on material as we speak, the cool thing is you get to watch us develop musically and as a band in general :-)

How stupid and, uh, un-unique is that? Oh, the insertion of a smiley face makes me almost feel guilty. :-(

The songs we are due to record over the next few weeks are bangin!! (There no ego in there at all, my words are chosen carefully and on the basis of ‘would I buy this music myself….?’)!! So please just keep your eyes peeled for updates on our Blog and the occasional bulletin!!

Too many exclamation marks. :-(

Forwarded by another promoter. You’ll have to work out who, if that sort of thing is of GREAT IMPORTANCE to you.

It’s another you could file under ‘actually quite sweet’ but, hey, sob stories bore me and I’m feeling bitchy (FOR A CHANGE!!!!!! SHE ADDED SOMEWHAT SARCASTICALLY).

Hello.
My name is ****.

I am Shonen Knife fan who lives in Japan.
I will go to see the show of Shonen Knife held in 6/17 in your venue.

It is the first that I go to England.
It looks forward to it very much.

I did preparation for a trip to England.
I prepared for both an aviation ticket and a passport.
I prepared for packing of the trip in the suitcase, too.

But, I don’t have the most important thing.
I couldn’t buy the ticket of the show.
When I saw https://www.wegottickets.com/, a ticket had already been sold-out.

Nooooooooooooooo!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!

I don’t stop the plan of the trip.
I will surely see the show of Shonen Knife in your venue.

May I ask you a favor.
Could you sell a ticket to me on the day of the show?

Please give me an answer by email if it is possible.
I am sorry to trouble you.

I am so sorry in poor English.
Yours sincerely.
****

HOW DOES THIS PAINFUL STORY END?

Well, I dunno.

UPDATE: Oh, ok, you can read the ending by checking out the comment underneath.

Oo-er, check out Mr Controversial and his views on Michael Jackson. The fella obviously only had three minutes to write and submit his column to The Times this week. Choice quotes:

“Michael Jackson nearly killed me once.” (Gotta start your article with that ’shocking’ first line, obviously.)
“if you think his music is that great, try humming me Thriller. You can’t.”
“And who’d want to try stuff like the moon walk anyway?”

Have a gander at his amazing words here.

THIS SENTENCE IS ALL IN CAPS.

When I’m editor of the NME (I hear there’s a vacancy in this chair), all reviews will be like this one.

RIP Swells.

The who email consisted of two telephone numbers, a link to a Myspace page and the words

to poor to make a demo CD

… is what ex-Luxembourg guitarist Rob said, on discovering this blog. TOO LATE. HA HA IN YOUR FACE, ROB.

From Wikipedia:

They released most of their music through their own record label Dogbox Records. Luxembourg were never signed to a major label.

To whomever added that second sentence there – I love you. I am going to go through every split-up indie band on Wikipedia and add that sentence. <3

While a great number of bands obviously have genuine gushing quotes from the Proper Music Press, there are an even larger number who haven’t quite got to that stage and have to stick with glowing quotes from promoters (ahem) – who obviously aren’t going to preview a band using BAD WORDS – or vaguely positive quotes from a longer and perhaps average review. Some of them don’t even make any bloody sense. Here are a few snippets of wisdom relating to three different bands, all proudly displayed on their Myspace pages.

“It’s Wild Boys meets Stephen Hawking”. Review from slicethepie.com

Amazing. A review from a slicethepie user, who would’ve got 3p for their opinion before swifty moving onto the next musical abortion. Carry on.

“Their music is full of passion, powerful choruses thus combined with the angular tones of lead singer Joe make these boys indie’s favourite new band” – Glasswerk

The singer has ‘angular’ tones? And who is this ‘indie’ person of which they speak?

“The best band I’ve seen at Nambucca since the Holloways” – Jericho Promotions

Thanks.

“Great songs… eclectic and witty.” – Mark Cooper, Producer of Later…with Jools, Head of BBC Music Entertainment, feature writer for Q and MOJO magazines

Love the drawn out explanation as to who Mark Cooper actually is. Same band:

“there are some sweet, sweet sounds going on in there…very whimsical and experimental and thoroughly pleasant…” – Fierce Panda Records

Fierce Panda, however, didn’t sign them. The same band is obviously quite pleased with this endorsement:

“Thanks, I’ll listen to it in my car on the way home!” – Jonny Greenwood, Radiohead

Beautiful.