a sexy popstar hitler
This is from a few months ago and is worth a mention. We’re naming the protagonist. Does she know she’s being touted in this way?
The amazing Florence and the Machine will be playing a special headline show at London’s Bloomsbury Ballroom.
Florence is a twenty one year-old art college drop-out from Camberwell, South London, a long pretty pale girl who makes up songs and sings them. The Machine is whoever’s standing nearby playing an instrument at the time. It’s a bit harder to define, the machine part. It’s just not exactly a person. It’s a sort of a machine. She’s been singing since pretty much forever. She was in the school choir, a few dodgy bands, had vocal lessons and such. She has all the necessary paperwork if you want to see it.
If you see her sing live you’ll forget paperwork and forget your name and maybe forget to breathe for a little while. Florence has a voice hewn from the rock and stamped in the gravel and shot out of a cannon into the middle of your chest. It cuts right into you and thrums. She also has almost as much stage presence as Hitler. She’s like a funny sexy popstar Hitler without the despotism and with more beautiful songs and the utmost love and respect for Jews and gays and gypsies.
There’s really nothing to add to that other than the writer in question deserving a swift punch in the stomach.
I demand she produces full paperwork and publishes it on her website. And refuses to play gigs that do not bill her as “a funny sexy popstar Hitler”.
This just made me laugh out loud during a very important telephone call I should have been concentrating on.
i have added a picture. i think you’ll agree that it is seamless photoshopping.
well, of course, Hitler was kicked out of art school too…
Interesting, the info it leaves out paints the bigger picture for the machines ambitions…
Sure she’s good about minorities, but can we assume she plans to invade Poland? and Declare a fourth reich.
“…the utmost love and respect for Jews and gays and gypsies”
what has the bitch got against the Slavs?
when my band played at the same venue as her at SXSW, the manager had this big long talk to us about not jumping into the small mexican themed pond near the stage because a) it meant you wouldn’t be allowed back onto heavily electrified stage after b) it looked stupid and c) that week, 5 different bands had already done it and it was starting to get old.
when we got back, Huw ‘what’s-good-about-me-then?’ Edwards dedicated about five minutes of his fatuous hype show to blithering on about how amazing it was when Florence ‘just, like, jumped into this pond…’
He must share her loathing for slavs and the physically handicapped.
Wow. I thought I’ve said some stupid things about bands before but this person is insane.
You ought to see the moustache she gets if she doesn’t shave.
@Simon… I didnae know Huw “10 o’clock news” Edwards had his own BBC Radio Introducing style show.
Then again, right now Huw “Shit Steve Lamacq” Stephens is twittering about seeing RObbie Williams and U2 and Oasis at the Millenium Stadium in Cardiff…. what a bastian and a vanguard for new music he really is.
hahaha yeah, Stephens, not Edwards.
That says more than I’d care to admit to about the coolness of my watching/listening habits.
As long as they use that description on the Polish tour…
What a larf
And yes, I’d like to see all the necessary paperwork
(that is required to make attendance compulsory at a gig)
?
Glad you added that – love the photoshop.
You guys are brutal (but hilarious!).
-KT