Shut Up, Bands

This was accompanied by a less-than-subtle and quite hideously airbrushed photo which came with a ‘(c) Photographs by Zoo’ watermark.

I felt visually raped.

Flyin’ Bird Entertainment Present Exclusively….

KERRY KATONA

OFFICIAL CLUB TOUR | WITH FABULOUS PARTIES

The UK’s biggest celeb

Sorry… what?

has put together her own unique club tour…

She’s put it together herself? So why have we been sent this wonderful offer from her AGENT?

Expect the most explosive star in MTV history to lock out your venue with the mention of her name!

Kerry is set to rock venues across the UK and Europe on this exclusive tour.

This is the FIRST time a star of this calibre has embarked on an event like this…

I’m intrigued – do carry on.

Each venue will have:
Branding for flyers provided

Holy shit that’s amazing.

Kerry Katona Live PA/Hosting the event (Either/Or)
Kerry’s Favourite DJ Kay performing a 60 minute set
Meet and Greet with Kerry and pictures
CD Giveaways
Some dates will also be filmed for future transmission
Pictures from the event syndicated to magazines/newspapers across the UK

**KERRY IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE MOST WROTE ABOUT CELEBRITY, COVERED IN EVERY PAPER AND MAGAZINE ACROSS THE UK NEARLY EVERY WEEK WITHOUT FAIL! PUBLIC INTEREST IS NEVER FAR AWAY FROM THIS ENIGMA!**

Once this tour is full no further dates will be added, this is on a first come first serve basis

CONTACT **** for fee’s and availability, this won’t be around long so book NOW!

What a cunt.

****’s first release, ****, was a collection of infectious tunes that introduced the group to the eclectic South Florida music scene. Their catchy melodies and foreign sound began turning heads of avid music fans who clamored for something different than the local music scene had to offer…songs.

What dya say about THAT, South Florida scene? Huh? Huh?

Sent sometime in 2008…

Hi!

we are an Alternative rock band called ****.

We have already achieved alot ourselves but feel that with the right help and direction we could really take it to the next level…that where you come in!

A little bit of info on us:

We are a three piece from Bournemouth-south of England and have been described as ‘Epic,alternative experimental rock that is as catchy as it is brooding’,we have been around for a couple of years and already have a strong following in our hometown.

We have literally gigged our arses off playing in places like Southampton,London,Brighton,Bristol,Birmingham,Sheffield and Wales to name a few.

In 2006 we won the county over 18s battle of the bands,then in 2007 we won the Rock Poole battle of the bands,headlined the soundstorm stage at the Sound Festival,played at a packed out Bournemouth Firestation (very large prestigous venue lol),met Zane Lowe and gave him a CD,oh and lets not forget magically making a bass fly through the air! (footage of which is on our youtube channel)

We plan on making 2008 even better though!

We arent gonna stop until we are signed and playing in front of thousands (and we still wont stop there).

There is much to enjoy here including the dreaded “next level” – expect that a lot. Sigh.
They’ve won not one but TWO Battle Of The Bands competitions. “ROCK POOLE”, though, I GET IT. THAT’S FUNNY.
They gave a CD to Zane Lowe???! Holy batshit, that’s utterly ground-breaking.
“Brooding”? Shut up, journalists.
… and so on.

They’re the sort of band you’d imagine playing competent rock and posing for photos in empty car parks.
*checks out the website*
Ah.

This was sent to us with those words. It certainly crosses the being-wacky-for-the-sake-of-it line.

The world’s best Fantasy/Bi-sexual Hipster Rock Band return with their new record Nightmares in the key of (((((WOW))))). The album is the band’s fifth long player and was recorded with Burke Reid (The Drones, Jack Ladder, Mess Hall, Gerling) at Big Jesus Burger Studios in Sydney.

There will be a series of exclusive launch shows to celebrate.

Commencing with a caterwauling cacophony of doom, the album delves deep into the band’s wide-eyed wonder of relationships. Candid and disturbing revelations set against a diverse backdrop, Nightmares at times re-visits the guitar thuggery of previous albums Chubby and Bish Bosh II: The Bosh Bosh. At other times the band strips away just a little of the sludge to reveal beautiful yet strange pop melodies, and weird, unsettling lyrical observations. For this is an album made by MEN about other MEN and WOMEN and CHILDREN.

The album also introduces to the world the band’s newest member (and 27th drummer), Matthew Blackman (Charge Group, Purplene, Palace of Fire), and features synthesizer and jazz-saxophone performances by Chris Ross (Palace of Fire, ex-Wolfmother).

Tucker B’s are celebrating their fifteenth year together (sheesh!), and now find themselves at the peak of their fantasy rock powers. Nightmares in the key of (((((WOW))))) wraps the band’s warped vision in pristine production and allows the strangeness to shine.

I think I’d rather sit down with a nice cup of tea and watch ‘Celebrity Masterchef’ instead.

Old skool rock with a somewhat wide-ranging ‘key’ demographic. Their email says they’ve been together for 10 years yet the biog says they’ve been together since 2002. Either someone is a naughty fibber or just terrible at sums. Tut tut.

**** formed in the spring of 2002 with one undivided goal, to bring the roots of old school rock into the modern day, without compromising their sound. With all members involved having different musical influences ranging from Coheed and Cambria, Reuben, Iron Maiden, The Who and The Jam amongst many others, the music they have created is a standard apart from a lot of the rock bands out there. The combination of the deep growl of the bass, the soaring melodies and rugged tones emanating from the guitar, the thundering drums and harmonious vocals culminate to create something that’s equally enjoyable to listen to as it is to ‘rock out’ to…. Their music speaks to a very wide audience with their Key demographic audience being males and females ranging between the age of 13 all the way to 60+. This has given them greater scope for performances as they are able to play in a number of different settings and venues. **** believe that the commercial rock music of today has become somewhat indefinable. They want to change all that by bringing in their old school rock influences towards the upbeat feel of modern day rock music.